I read frequent comments on Facebook dating groups regarding peoples disgust that ‘there is not the right woman/guy/sheep for me or that ‘no one replies to my messages’, the list goes on.
Reading these begs the question that this is a cry for attention or is this person serious?
After all this is a problem that could easily be fixed with some effort and time spent on upping ones education in the dating arena. If we do the math; what is the likelihood of there being no one, at all, anywhere for you or I? Across your suburb, your town, your city, your country even.
What is possible and probable is the lack of effort being put in to find ones perfect match.
At any one time there is a percentage of single adults and depending on the research being quoted may be as low as 10% and as high as 20%, meaning upto 1 in 5 people are a possible match at any one time – a lot of possibilities.
So it is befuddling to see girls and guys both exclaiming that there is no one out there for them and that internet dating doesn’t work any more because of asshole guys, guys just wanting sex, girls not wanting relationships, girls having ‘walls’ up because they have been hurt before.
Relationships have always managed to occur despite the above challenges, whether that was a fast pickup in a Bar or a Cafe or whether it was a slower burn like the old style phone chat lines (remember those… Guys would pay $2 per minute to chat to ‘single’ girls!!!) or the newspapers where a letter would be written and sent to a PO box! ….. going back prior to dating web sites….
It is true that the age of internet dating and “Tinder” has helped to proliferate the publicity of asshole guys because its so easy to connect with a large number of ladies. Arguably therefore it has actually helped to speed up maturity and remove any remaining naivety from women who use the service in regards to this type of player. The fact that some men are ‘Assholes’ is out in the public domain and it has empowered women to be more cautious and vet their potential matches completely before taking things to the next level and investing time in meeting.
So now we understand the scenario, what is it that normal guys/girls are NOT doing and therefore meaning they are still unsuccessful in finding Mr/Mrs right?
Initiating connections is the first step and I have a few thoughts on how to do this which I will go into below:
1. Research, study how to date and learn how to improve the odds. Google is an “oracle” of knowledge so use it, learn how to be better. What else in your lifetime is possibly a forever timeframe where you didn’t spend time understanding as much as you could about the topic, this topic is called ‘successful dating’.
2. Think about your Internet dating profiles. Put yourself into a potential partners position and look at what you’ve written, what does it say about you, would you date yourself?
A. If you have nothing in your profile then you are not serious about meeting someone
B. If you have too much then it won’t be read so make it impactful and short.
3. The photos used on your profile, do they make you look like a serial killer? If so get rid of them! Is that the sort of photo you would be happy with at home on the wall?
A. Photos should be fun and even have other people in them too …. but not tigers! Or Lions! They don’t work.
4. What’s your opening line when you get a match, when you initiate contact with a new potential partner? ‘Hi’, ‘Hello’, ‘Good afternoon’ or ‘hey’, followed by ‘How are you’. If those are your openers then how exactly have you made a statement that is any different from 20 other first lines this person just received. Instead:
A. Think of a response that ties something from the small amount of detail you have about them into your initial contact and ask a question! Without asking a question there is an even lesser chance of having a reply to your initial message.
B. Be funny, be light hearted and create banter and a connection with this person.
C. Flirt but don’t be obnoxious, when you are suggesting something that you do, add that maybe the both of you will be doing that activity together. If you’re talking about next weekend, suggest how you are keeping some time aside just in case this new person you’ve met has some spare time and do it without seriousness or commitment.
D. When the time is right ask for a number to call them on or ask if you can give them your number, a voice call is worth days and days of messaging, confident people move to a voice call very quickly.
E. Don’t send Dick pictures! The number of guys who think their cock is actually something a new connection wants to look at is mind boggling. Leave these for down the track when you are finally dating this person.
Finally please leave comments below if I have missed anything out.